i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
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i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
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Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.