How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian