guess who came home with a hottie last night
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.