so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
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I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
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He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.