What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
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I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
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She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.