saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."