My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner