Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."