are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
