she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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