Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
