He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
