dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"