dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
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I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
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I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.