We're facebook friends in real life
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence