So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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