I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!