Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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