But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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