I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
this is an emotional support booty call
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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