dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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