this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
You brought string cheese to the strip club
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her