yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.