You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I will pee on everything he values.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.