Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
