I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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