Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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