Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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