Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.

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(310): my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet. http://tfl.nu/p26k

Replies (36) Good night (1246) Bad night (4426)
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(972): View more from Texas

so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.

(214): View more from Texas

so how much did i say i owed you?

(972): View more from Texas

$5 and a new fuck buddy.

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(972): so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards. (214): so how much did i say i owed you? (972): $5 and a new fuck buddy. http://tfl.nu/zurg

Replies (21) Good night (3308) Bad night (785)
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(614): View more from Ohio

i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid

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(614): i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid http://tfl.nu/y6qj

Replies (44) Good night (4598) Bad night (750)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.

(1-978): View more from Massachusetts

Wait until you see the roof.

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(978): Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help. (1-978): Wait until you see the roof. http://tfl.nu/itso

Replies (34) Good night (4597) Bad night (1575)
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(806): View more from Texas

Two words Indian burn...

(1-806): View more from Texas

What did she think it was, a shake weight?

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(806): Two words Indian burn... (1-806): What did she think it was, a shake weight? http://tfl.nu/39re

Replies (27) Good night (1235) Bad night (5875)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT

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(717): do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT http://tfl.nu/ci1u

Replies (17) Good night (5837) Bad night (1284)
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(512): View more from Texas

Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.

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(512): Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it. http://tfl.nu/4ruk

Replies (5) Good night (2447) Bad night (788)
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(513): View more from Ohio

College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.

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(513): College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester. http://tfl.nu/dsii

Replies (7) Good night (3331) Bad night (660)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor

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(412): I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor http://tfl.nu/ext1

Replies (5) Good night (1021) Bad night (2148)
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(337): View more from Louisiana

I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.

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(337): I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be. http://tfl.nu/u40q

Replies (5) Good night (974) Bad night (674)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.

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(306): I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee. http://tfl.nu/xuxq

Replies (1) Good night (735) Bad night (311)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?

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(203): Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day? http://tfl.nu/ae7l

Replies (5) Good night (639) Bad night (299)
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(757): View more from Virginia

I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt

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(757): I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt http://tfl.nu/qfiy

Replies (4) Good night (841) Bad night (369)
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(865): View more from Tennessee

Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.

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(865): Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point. http://tfl.nu/q6x3

Replies (1) Good night (551) Bad night (389)
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(360): View more from Washington

Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.

(360): View more from Washington

Welcome to Bellingham.

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(360): Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open. (360): Welcome to Bellingham. http://tfl.nu/j634

Replies (4) Good night (826) Bad night (302)

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