I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
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She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
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It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.