I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack