My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."