I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
i will never coherently bang her
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
