I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers