i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
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It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
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if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I got my gum stuck on his balls.