I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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