Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
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and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
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I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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