When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I have aggressive nipples.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize