just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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