Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
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His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
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I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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