This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Life is so much better after having sex.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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