shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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