Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
