Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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