I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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