Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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