i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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