I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
