Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
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He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize