You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
