All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.