remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.