We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"