My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
