you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
