Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize