While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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