I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
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Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
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I wish there were birth control emojis
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs