You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first