i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.