You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
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The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
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He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....