Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
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how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
it glows. i had to have it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
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Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.