somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
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I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
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Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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