I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
