You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
