thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
