drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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