this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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