Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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