Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
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girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
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He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.