then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
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hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
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How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet