Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She had a baby Jesus butt plug