1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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