I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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