if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
