somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
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at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
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After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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