I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
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