This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
